Do you have Enough Joy?!

1 Peter 3:8  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy

Joy, SUCH joy!!  What does joy mean to you?  As I sit here writing this, I am literally counting the hours, Yes I am really counting hours (36 to be exact), until my youngest child will be born.  You see, I am having a scheduled cesarean section early due to some complications, so therefore I know the exact hour in which I will give birth, hear that beautiful cry of new life, and finally see the face of this precious child that I have been carrying for 9 months now.  Sure I have felt her move for many months now, and we have seen her on the ultrasound machine many times, but that is nothing compared to seeing her in the flesh, face to face.  I can touch her, kiss her, hold her, smell her.  If you are a parent yourself, then what I am describing to you is nothing you have not experienced.  For most of us, it is one of the single most important and memorable moments of our lives.  Why wouldn't it be?!  We have waited for this for months, and sometimes even for many many years. We should be excited, overjoyed, and completely in awe of what we just witnessed and what we can now see.  Of course, whether you have a situation like mine where it is scheduled, or even if you just have a estimated date when baby will be making that arrival, we plan and prepare like crazy.  Bringing a new baby into the world takes a ton of preparation, planning, praying, re-arranging, the list goes on and on.  So do you sit back and wait for that baby to arrive before painting the nursery, buying that crib, getting them clothes?  Of course not!  Number one, you are excited so you eagerly prep for that child, sometimes preparing way in advance of what is actually needed "just in case."  Number two, it would just not be practical nor logical to wait for the baby to arrive before getting the must-have supplies, right?!  You do everything that you can to be ready far in advance and do not leave any stone that you can think of un-turned.  That joy, that anticipation, tends to consume our every thought, especially near the end.  Sometimes I feel bad for those I come into contact with because all I hear come out of my mouth is baby, baby, BABY!  But I can not help it!  It happens to be all consuming and hard to just push out of your mind.  Well, this brings me back to God.  And no, not for the usual reason of children being God's blessings and rewards from him (which they are but that is not where I am going THIS time.)

Where my thoughts led the other night was to this...

That joy, that excitement, that anticipation, that overwhelming consuming fire going on inside;  this is how we SHOULD feel about seeing Jesus.  Even though earth-side we can not see him, can not feel him in the flesh, we know that he is there and we love him.   Like the unseen child for  those first 9 months, you love them regardless of the fact you have never really seen or touched them.  He literally died for us, and once we have accepted and claimed that, we should be so excited to know that we will one day meet him, Face to Face!!  With this knowledge, we need to be diligent in making sure that we are preparing for that day.  This life is not just a mindless journey that we have to endure until we meet our maker.  We each have a God given purpose to seek Him, to seek His face, in all we do.  Are you excited?  Are you overjoyed?  Are you anticipating that reunion with the Father?  If so, how are you preparing?  Are you waiting until the very end, or until the ship has already sailed, to get ready? I, myself, refuse to wait.  I want to be ready now!  In my every day life I want to be on fire for Him so that others may see the joy that knowing Him brings.  We are even instructed to "Consider it Pure Joy when you face trials."  That is so powerful!  We are expected to be joyful no matter what situation we are in here on Earth, not just when we are going through the good times, or when we have exciting earthly things to look forward to.  Be joyful in ALL you do!!  If you are excited about something, everyone around you will see that, and whether they walk away, or get excited with you, I guarantee you left them with something to think about.  

~Blessed Beyond the Curse~

Wow!!!  I have being meaning to post for some time now as I knew it had been awhile, but had no clue it has been almost a whole year!!  My last post was April 2012.  I guess that is really proof on how time truly flies by.  So now I have a whole year to reflect on.  When I look back through this past year the general theme in my life has been "Blessed Beyond the Curse."  Why, you may ask?  The answer is actually very simple.  No matter how hard the world tries to knock us off our feet, our foundation is so rooted in Christ that I can not help but realize how blessed we are even though the circumstances are against us.  

Last April was a generally happy time, my husband and son were back home, we were on track to buying a new home, and life seemed like it would start looking more "normal" for our family.  However our worst fear at the time, was coming true.  Steve's mom was getting sicker and weaker and it was obvious that aside from some sort of miracle, she would not have much time left with us here on earth.  Being that we had known for over a year that her body was full of cancer, I had the idea that as hard as it would be to lose her, that we were somehow more prepared because we had known for so long.  We lost her June 7th, and then I realized how wrong, very very wrong, I had been.  More than 9 months later, I am still struggling with the loss.  We had grown very close in the couple years before this, especially when my husband was out of the home.  We talked daily, sometimes for hours, as well as skyped so her and the kids could "see" each other. (Side note: She lived 5 hours away, making real visits less possible than we would have liked.) She was my second rock (God first) throughout the horrible nightmare we were stuck in.  Even though that was over, she was still the person I called along with my own mom, every time there was anything to share, big or small.  That is one of the biggest things I struggle with, not being able to call her when I normally would have, that piece will always be missing I am afraid.  
We were fortunate to spend Easter with her, along with about a week in May over Mother's Day, and I will always cherish that time.  During all that we were finalizing the purchase of our new house, which had been basically a big surprise Gift from God.  June 1st after we had closed, we called to tell them the good news, and it was then that his Dad said that she had been put on hospice just that day.  We had such a joyous day planned at the new house, had a picnic planned with the kids there to celebrate.  It was so hard to deal with two very different emotional events at once, and to keep it together for the kids.  We then managed to get somethings started at the new house (we had to be out of the rental by end of June so was push-shove) so that Steve could go back up to spend the final days with his mom.  Then there was the trip for the funeral, as well as the funeral close to home for my uncle that passed unexpectedly 2 days before my mother-in-law.  It was a mess.  When we were back home we worked our tails off to get the house ready and to get all moved in within the time frame, we literally moved the last of our things from the rental on the last day possible!  

In the midst of all of this, we were so blessed to find a new church home that was pretty close to home.  (Yes 13 miles is close when you live in the middle of farmville!)  It was amazing how we just fit right in.  Very small, spirit filled, and a handful of large families.   May not be everyone's dream church, but it is ours.  One of the best parts?  Meeting my now bestie and hitting it off like we had known each other for years.  I had prayed for a friend like this since we had moved down here, that was almost 3 years!  I had friends sure, but not THAT kind of friend.  The kind you can tell anything to without fear of judgement, the kind that knows you are not perfect but doesn't care, the kind that will pray for you without second thought, the kind that every time you talk you realize you have even more in common with, the kind that makes it a priority to check in with you if you haven't talked for a few days, the kind that makes you KNOW that you are truly loved and blessed.  God knows are every need, our every desire, and he has yet to leave me hanging.  I am so thankful that he brought Lisa into my life, and not a moment to late.  

This is just a part of why we are so Blessed Beyond the Curse and I plan on this being a several part post as there is so much more.  Happy Spring!!!

The Rainbow Always Comes After the Storm

Alright, I have not posted on here since September.
Like everything else in my life, I seem to consistently start something with good intentions and then never finish. Well, that has changed as I am also changing.
 In the most exciting news, both my husband and our son returned home in March. This has been wonderful, but of course comes with its own set of challenges.  This time, I AM READY! 


In my quest to be a NEW Creation, I have decided to Commit to the things I need so that I can Succeed. 
I have steadily gained weight since my senior year of highschool (over 10 yrs ago) and felt that I would just be that way forever and felt it would be too hard to change it.  One year ago (after 8 pregnancies and 3 full-term births) I had a BMI of 43%.  Thankfully, I had not had any major health concerns due to the weight, however, I did realize that if I didn't do something about it then, that I probably never would.  I decided that I was uncomfortable enough in my own body that it HAD to change. I started drinking Herbalife shakes and some Jillian Micheals workouts. I did lose weight. In fact, I lost over 20# between April 2011 and Jan 2012.  I wasn't consistent with working out, but I made sure that I was active the majority of the time and paid attention to what I was eating. I even prayed that God would give me super natural bypass surgery so that I would feel full faster.  That worked! I started eating very little as I just didn't have the capacity to eat as much anymore.  By Jan I hit a plateau with my weight loss and knew I needed to do something different, it just took me a little time to rev myself up enough to do it.  
March 19th I started INSANITY. (A very Hardcore workout program that is 63 days.)  I figured I would "try" and see how far I could make it.  Well, Apparently I am stronger than I realized as now I am on day 26 of the program and have only missed a few workouts.  So far I have lost 13# and over 13 inches.  Now I am too far in to quit now! Thankfully, I have a supportive husband at home now so that if the kids interrupt, he is able to help.  I had to decide, NO MORE EXCUSES. My BMI is now down to 35%, which is still overweight and I have a long ways to go. BUT now I know that I CAN do it, it is not impossible. I had a total of 80#'s to lose, and so far I am down 35.  


I want and NEED to be the woman God created me to be. 
I WILL NOT settle for anything less anymore.  
This requires a lot of commitment and dedication but if I can do it with my body, I surely can do it with my mind and spirit as well.  
I do not need to be "perfect", however; I will keep striving to be the best that I can be, knowing that I am capable, and that with HIM, All things are possible!




Sometimes we have to weather a storm in order to be redirected to chase the rainbow. I have found several nuggets of Gold in the past few months but I will not be satisfied until I find the whole pot!!


 

Broken

Last night I was watching God Tv and thinking about how the day had not gone as well as I would have liked.  We had court and although it did not go poorly, not much was accomplished.  I have been praying for a divine intervention to bring my husband home.  So, as I am sitting in my comfy chair, holding a sleeping princess, I just kept thinking "broken, I am so broken."  The tv caught my attention and one of my guys said something to the fact of "sometimes God has to allow us to be broken so he can fill us back up."  Holy Hannah!  It then made so much sense to me.  We had allowed ourselves, and in turn our family, to fall away from God (not intentionally) and that allowed these things to happen.  The good thing, is that it has made both Steve and I literally hit our knees.  We have each reconnected with our Savior and in turn, with each other.  I can say that this is the hardest thing I have gone through as a mom and wife, yet I have peace that He is going to us it for His glory.  We have been able to refocus on what the right priorities are, and start living in a way that is more pleasing to Him. Now, we just need everyone else on board so we can bring our family back together and start anew.  This too shall pass. I am so glad I have an everlasting Father that can build us a shelter to weather this storm.


P.S. Went to the clinic and I have lost 10#'s since June.  Hip-hip Horray!

Our God is GREATER!

I am broken.  I am hurting.  I am confused. 
You know that feeling you get in your stomach when something isn't right, or something bad is going to happen? Yea, I have that.  I have since yesterday when I was basically told our family will not be a whole unit for a very long time.  I can not even begin to describe they way that came down on me. Similar to standing in the middle of a hurricane and at the same moment the ground begins to shake violently.  There is nothing to hold on to, nothing to save you.

WAIT!

There is something to hold on to!  God is still here, he hasn't abanded me.  This song is exactly where I am standing.  I am holding on to the one and only Rock, my solid foundation.  God is stronger than the circumstances that are surrounding us.  Nothing is "final" until court, Sep 13th. (And even that isn't really final, it is just what we have to follow until the next court day.) The judge has his own mind and can look at all the information to make his decisions.  I am praying that the Lord will open his eyes and he can see the truth.  That truth, is that we are imperfect people who have made mistakes.  BUT, we very much love ALL of our children and want the best for them.  We are willing to walk through the fire to have our family whole again.  As Christians, we are not guaranteed an easy, carefree life. We were promised that we will not have to go through it alone.  He will carry us through it.  We may be left with some pretty deep wounds, but He is the ultimate Healer.  You see, this is not our forever home and this is not a forever situation. However, it looks like I need to train for a Marathon.  I will remember, while I learn endurance, to be joyful in all situations, and to always give HIM the glory.


He is my Healer
He is my Refuge
He is my Strength
He is my Comforter
He is my Firm Foundation
He is my Savior

He is Everything I need, right now, and forever.

Blessed Beyond the curse

I am on a spiritual high.  I feel like I can not do enough worshiping, reading the word, talking about Him ect.  I am SOAKING in his Love and it is just what I need.  I am going through something that has been probably the hardest trial of my life, yet I am so full of JOY.   You may wonder how that is possible in such a situation.  Well, I didn't have that joy up until a few days ago and this trial has been going on for 2 months now.  You can say I snapped out of the fog that I was in.  The desperation and pain was more than I could bear until God reminded me that He is still in control.  Yes, Steve lost his job and yes, he is not living with us right now, but, now there is Peace. Peace that passes all understanding.  I do not have any hard cash in my pocket nor anything in the bank, but we are not going without.  How is that? Simply put, He provides.  All the urgent needs I had the last couple of days have been taken care of.  My washer is working, I have enough food, formula and diapers.  All things that I couldn't do on my own right now.  God loves me!  He loves you too!  Since the day I gave Him control of my life, I have NEVER gone without.  It could be something that seems major, i.e., I called the hospital after my daughter was born to set up payments on a large amount we owed them, they called me back and said that insurance had taken care of it and we owed nothing.  How is that possible? How did we not pay ANYTHING for the actual birth of Jo?  Keep in mind I was in labor for a day before a c-section so it was a large cost and we had regular insurance with large co-insurance.  God, that is how!  Then there are the "little" blessings we get, although I really don't think of any blessing as little.  These things are usually simple, i.e., my washer broke (having 7 of us here and using cloth diapers = catastrophe!) and the next day I find out that wed is "wash wednesday" at the laundramat and you can go from 8a-12 and wash for free!  I thought that was amazing.  Then today, I talked to the local appliance store and they gave me my part ($ 136) and are trusting me to pay them next week.  People just don't do that kind of thing anymore.  The point is, God was still providing for us in the midst of a difficult situation and again I do not have to go without.  THAT is why I have so much joy.  God is present, He is powerful, and I am His.

The hard part for me is when things are going well, I tend to put the wheel back in my hands.  Bad idea!  God made me, loves me and saved me.  He is the only one who knows the right path for me before I get there.  He is the one I trust to blindly lead me through life.  He will not run me into a brick wall.  That is something I am good at doing all on my own :(  Which is the reason I HAVE to give Him the control.  Then, the next issue is remember to actually practice that behavior.  You (and me) and have to walk the walk on this one.  You can't say He is in control and then make all the decision without actually praying and seeking His wisdom and Guidance. 

I have messed up. I am broken. I am bruised.  BUT I will not give in.  I am determined to learn from my experiences and move on, stronger and smarter than I was before.  Yes, I am a good mom and yes I am a good wife.  However, I want to be the mom and wife that God wants me to be and I believe that is different than just being "good."  He made us "in His image"  and it is my goal from now until the day I leave this earth to be His hands, His feet, and His heart.

My physical Stats

In order to track my progress I need to pay attention to my measurements.  They are currently:

Weight :191
Neck: 14
Waist: 43
Hips: 45

I will update these as they change!  Now, on to the busy day I have ahead of me!