Last night I was watching God Tv and thinking about how the day had not gone as well as I would have liked. We had court and although it did not go poorly, not much was accomplished. I have been praying for a divine intervention to bring my husband home. So, as I am sitting in my comfy chair, holding a sleeping princess, I just kept thinking "broken, I am so broken." The tv caught my attention and one of my guys said something to the fact of "sometimes God has to allow us to be broken so he can fill us back up." Holy Hannah! It then made so much sense to me. We had allowed ourselves, and in turn our family, to fall away from God (not intentionally) and that allowed these things to happen. The good thing, is that it has made both Steve and I literally hit our knees. We have each reconnected with our Savior and in turn, with each other. I can say that this is the hardest thing I have gone through as a mom and wife, yet I have peace that He is going to us it for His glory. We have been able to refocus on what the right priorities are, and start living in a way that is more pleasing to Him. Now, we just need everyone else on board so we can bring our family back together and start anew. This too shall pass. I am so glad I have an everlasting Father that can build us a shelter to weather this storm.
P.S. Went to the clinic and I have lost 10#'s since June. Hip-hip Horray!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Our God is GREATER!
I am broken. I am hurting. I am confused.
You know that feeling you get in your stomach when something isn't right, or something bad is going to happen? Yea, I have that. I have since yesterday when I was basically told our family will not be a whole unit for a very long time. I can not even begin to describe they way that came down on me. Similar to standing in the middle of a hurricane and at the same moment the ground begins to shake violently. There is nothing to hold on to, nothing to save you.
WAIT!
There is something to hold on to! God is still here, he hasn't abanded me. This song is exactly where I am standing. I am holding on to the one and only Rock, my solid foundation. God is stronger than the circumstances that are surrounding us. Nothing is "final" until court, Sep 13th. (And even that isn't really final, it is just what we have to follow until the next court day.) The judge has his own mind and can look at all the information to make his decisions. I am praying that the Lord will open his eyes and he can see the truth. That truth, is that we are imperfect people who have made mistakes. BUT, we very much love ALL of our children and want the best for them. We are willing to walk through the fire to have our family whole again. As Christians, we are not guaranteed an easy, carefree life. We were promised that we will not have to go through it alone. He will carry us through it. We may be left with some pretty deep wounds, but He is the ultimate Healer. You see, this is not our forever home and this is not a forever situation. However, it looks like I need to train for a Marathon. I will remember, while I learn endurance, to be joyful in all situations, and to always give HIM the glory.
He is my Healer
He is my Refuge
He is my Strength
He is my Comforter
He is my Firm Foundation
He is my Savior
He is Everything I need, right now, and forever.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Blessed Beyond the curse
I am on a spiritual high. I feel like I can not do enough worshiping, reading the word, talking about Him ect. I am SOAKING in his Love and it is just what I need. I am going through something that has been probably the hardest trial of my life, yet I am so full of JOY. You may wonder how that is possible in such a situation. Well, I didn't have that joy up until a few days ago and this trial has been going on for 2 months now. You can say I snapped out of the fog that I was in. The desperation and pain was more than I could bear until God reminded me that He is still in control. Yes, Steve lost his job and yes, he is not living with us right now, but, now there is Peace. Peace that passes all understanding. I do not have any hard cash in my pocket nor anything in the bank, but we are not going without. How is that? Simply put, He provides. All the urgent needs I had the last couple of days have been taken care of. My washer is working, I have enough food, formula and diapers. All things that I couldn't do on my own right now. God loves me! He loves you too! Since the day I gave Him control of my life, I have NEVER gone without. It could be something that seems major, i.e., I called the hospital after my daughter was born to set up payments on a large amount we owed them, they called me back and said that insurance had taken care of it and we owed nothing. How is that possible? How did we not pay ANYTHING for the actual birth of Jo? Keep in mind I was in labor for a day before a c-section so it was a large cost and we had regular insurance with large co-insurance. God, that is how! Then there are the "little" blessings we get, although I really don't think of any blessing as little. These things are usually simple, i.e., my washer broke (having 7 of us here and using cloth diapers = catastrophe!) and the next day I find out that wed is "wash wednesday" at the laundramat and you can go from 8a-12 and wash for free! I thought that was amazing. Then today, I talked to the local appliance store and they gave me my part ($ 136) and are trusting me to pay them next week. People just don't do that kind of thing anymore. The point is, God was still providing for us in the midst of a difficult situation and again I do not have to go without. THAT is why I have so much joy. God is present, He is powerful, and I am His.
The hard part for me is when things are going well, I tend to put the wheel back in my hands. Bad idea! God made me, loves me and saved me. He is the only one who knows the right path for me before I get there. He is the one I trust to blindly lead me through life. He will not run me into a brick wall. That is something I am good at doing all on my own :( Which is the reason I HAVE to give Him the control. Then, the next issue is remember to actually practice that behavior. You (and me) and have to walk the walk on this one. You can't say He is in control and then make all the decision without actually praying and seeking His wisdom and Guidance.
I have messed up. I am broken. I am bruised. BUT I will not give in. I am determined to learn from my experiences and move on, stronger and smarter than I was before. Yes, I am a good mom and yes I am a good wife. However, I want to be the mom and wife that God wants me to be and I believe that is different than just being "good." He made us "in His image" and it is my goal from now until the day I leave this earth to be His hands, His feet, and His heart.
The hard part for me is when things are going well, I tend to put the wheel back in my hands. Bad idea! God made me, loves me and saved me. He is the only one who knows the right path for me before I get there. He is the one I trust to blindly lead me through life. He will not run me into a brick wall. That is something I am good at doing all on my own :( Which is the reason I HAVE to give Him the control. Then, the next issue is remember to actually practice that behavior. You (and me) and have to walk the walk on this one. You can't say He is in control and then make all the decision without actually praying and seeking His wisdom and Guidance.
I have messed up. I am broken. I am bruised. BUT I will not give in. I am determined to learn from my experiences and move on, stronger and smarter than I was before. Yes, I am a good mom and yes I am a good wife. However, I want to be the mom and wife that God wants me to be and I believe that is different than just being "good." He made us "in His image" and it is my goal from now until the day I leave this earth to be His hands, His feet, and His heart.
My physical Stats
In order to track my progress I need to pay attention to my measurements. They are currently:
Weight :191
Neck: 14
Waist: 43
Hips: 45
I will update these as they change! Now, on to the busy day I have ahead of me!
Weight :191
Neck: 14
Waist: 43
Hips: 45
I will update these as they change! Now, on to the busy day I have ahead of me!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day One
Today has been a GREAT day! Who said Monday is the worst day of the week? I really don't know that answer but I do know that yesterday was Sunday and I made it to church! That alone will really jump start your week in the right direction! And as always, it was the right message and the right time. That encouraged me further to chase the goals down and make them mine!
Back to today. By noon I felt like I had conquered the world. Well, my world atleast. I had cleaned and organized the playroom which alone was a 2 hour event. (Goal 6) Now Micah (10m old) can be in there and safetly play with toys. (previously the 2 yr old had made a mess with beads in there and they were Everywhere!) I also worked out for the first time with Insanity. (Goal 2) Oh boy is that hard! So worth it though. I think the puddle of sweat I was standing in was evidence enough of how hard I worked. I made it to my therapy appointment and enjoyed telling her about my renewed spirit. (Goal 5)
I managed to stay gluten-free all day and drank lots of water. (Goal 7) Overall I would consider today a success. I worked on atleast 4 goals and feel like I am making progress. What a difference it makes when you are on the right medication and can get some solid sleep at night! Speaking of sleep, I need to rest my head for another adventure tommrow. Be Blessed!
Back to today. By noon I felt like I had conquered the world. Well, my world atleast. I had cleaned and organized the playroom which alone was a 2 hour event. (Goal 6) Now Micah (10m old) can be in there and safetly play with toys. (previously the 2 yr old had made a mess with beads in there and they were Everywhere!) I also worked out for the first time with Insanity. (Goal 2) Oh boy is that hard! So worth it though. I think the puddle of sweat I was standing in was evidence enough of how hard I worked. I made it to my therapy appointment and enjoyed telling her about my renewed spirit. (Goal 5)
I managed to stay gluten-free all day and drank lots of water. (Goal 7) Overall I would consider today a success. I worked on atleast 4 goals and feel like I am making progress. What a difference it makes when you are on the right medication and can get some solid sleep at night! Speaking of sleep, I need to rest my head for another adventure tommrow. Be Blessed!
My Strengths and Weaknesses
In order for me to meet these goals I am going to have comfront somethings head-on. The things that I feel can get in my way are:
Being "too busy" for God
Poor time managment
Being sick due to having medical issues that I tend to ignore (Firbromyalgia and non-celiac Gluten Intolerance.) The biggest effect is chronic fatigue
Lacking proper nutrition due to my bad choices in food (again leading to no energy)
Poor money managment
Too much talking and not enough action
I know that I can overcome all of this, but I also know that I need support to do it. I have recently discovered how strong I really am. That I CAN be a great mom without depending on the rest of the world. I believe I was in a fog for awhile, I gave into desires of the flesh instead of seeking the things of God. I have been too far apart from Him to continue that way any longer. My biggest strength now and always is that God is on my side. And who can be against me if God is for me? I think you know that answer.
Being "too busy" for God
Poor time managment
Being sick due to having medical issues that I tend to ignore (Firbromyalgia and non-celiac Gluten Intolerance.) The biggest effect is chronic fatigue
Lacking proper nutrition due to my bad choices in food (again leading to no energy)
Poor money managment
Too much talking and not enough action
I know that I can overcome all of this, but I also know that I need support to do it. I have recently discovered how strong I really am. That I CAN be a great mom without depending on the rest of the world. I believe I was in a fog for awhile, I gave into desires of the flesh instead of seeking the things of God. I have been too far apart from Him to continue that way any longer. My biggest strength now and always is that God is on my side. And who can be against me if God is for me? I think you know that answer.
Goals
In order to have your support, I must tell you what my goals are. These are the things that I am actively pursuing.
1. Grow spiritually so that I can overflow into my children
2. Become physically fit
3. Have financial freedom
4. Gain supportive friendships
5. Have a healthy functioning family
6. Get and keep house clean and organized (we just moved)
7. Be healthy and pain free
Naturally, I need to have a plan to make these goals a reality, so here is what I have
1. Be in the Word Daily. Sing to Him at every opportunity. Start or be a part of a biblical parenting bible study. Make it to church atleast once a week.
2. Workout 5 days a week. Eat healthy. Be as active as possible even when not working out
3. Tithe. Do not spend what I do not have. Pay off debts without incurring new ones.
4. Go to ladies bible studies. Find and join a MOP group. Participate in extra-cirricular activies with the kids where I can meet other moms.
5. Let others teach me to discipline children with special needs. Make all mental health appointments for all family members. Keep structure as much as possible.
6. Get atleast one box unpacked every day. Throw/give away things that we do not need or use. Find creative ways to organize all the stuff we do need.
7. Continue treatment for my chronic issues. Stay on my gluten-free diet to prevent being sick.
There, an official list. Something I can come back and look at to stay on track. I feel like I should be signing at the dotted line.
1. Grow spiritually so that I can overflow into my children
2. Become physically fit
3. Have financial freedom
4. Gain supportive friendships
5. Have a healthy functioning family
6. Get and keep house clean and organized (we just moved)
7. Be healthy and pain free
Naturally, I need to have a plan to make these goals a reality, so here is what I have
1. Be in the Word Daily. Sing to Him at every opportunity. Start or be a part of a biblical parenting bible study. Make it to church atleast once a week.
2. Workout 5 days a week. Eat healthy. Be as active as possible even when not working out
3. Tithe. Do not spend what I do not have. Pay off debts without incurring new ones.
4. Go to ladies bible studies. Find and join a MOP group. Participate in extra-cirricular activies with the kids where I can meet other moms.
5. Let others teach me to discipline children with special needs. Make all mental health appointments for all family members. Keep structure as much as possible.
6. Get atleast one box unpacked every day. Throw/give away things that we do not need or use. Find creative ways to organize all the stuff we do need.
7. Continue treatment for my chronic issues. Stay on my gluten-free diet to prevent being sick.
There, an official list. Something I can come back and look at to stay on track. I feel like I should be signing at the dotted line.
This is where I Begin..
Welcome to my Blog, I am glad you are here. In my journey to a new me I needed someone to hold me accountable to the things I am trying to achieve. What better way then to make my life an open book for others to read and to support me as well. I will start with the basics, the general facts about my life so you know who you are reading about.
I have been a Born Again Christian for 7 years
I am a wife to Steve, the man I have loved unconditionally for 8 years
I am a mom to 8 children, 5 adopted, and 3 natural
I am 27 years young
I try to do things naturally when possible and am passionate about encouraging others to do the same
I work from home (other than being a mom 24/7 of course)
I enjoy many things including singing, dancing, reading, sewing, and anything else I can involve the kids with
I have many goals, some large and others small, all are pretty significant to me
This blog is my way of staying accountable to others so that I can become a stronger child of God, Wife and Mom. These things are the most important to me, and specifically in that order. Please encourage me, lift me and up, and pray for me!
I have been a Born Again Christian for 7 years
I am a wife to Steve, the man I have loved unconditionally for 8 years
I am a mom to 8 children, 5 adopted, and 3 natural
I am 27 years young
I try to do things naturally when possible and am passionate about encouraging others to do the same
I work from home (other than being a mom 24/7 of course)
I enjoy many things including singing, dancing, reading, sewing, and anything else I can involve the kids with
I have many goals, some large and others small, all are pretty significant to me
This blog is my way of staying accountable to others so that I can become a stronger child of God, Wife and Mom. These things are the most important to me, and specifically in that order. Please encourage me, lift me and up, and pray for me!
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